{"id":255,"date":"2016-02-22T11:33:01","date_gmt":"2016-02-22T11:33:01","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/communitychoirs.wordpress.com\/?p=255"},"modified":"2016-02-22T11:33:01","modified_gmt":"2016-02-22T11:33:01","slug":"i-cant-sing","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.community-choirs.co.uk\/wordpress\/2016\/02\/i-cant-sing\/","title":{"rendered":"I Can&#8217;t Sing&#8230;"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><script>\n  (function(i,s,o,g,r,a,m){i['GoogleAnalyticsObject']=r;i[r]=i[r]||function(){\n  (i[r].q=i[r].q||[]).push(arguments)},i[r].l=1*new Date();a=s.createElement(o),\n  m=s.getElementsByTagName(o)[0];a.async=1;a.src=g;m.parentNode.insertBefore(a,m)\n  })(window,document,'script','\/\/www.google-analytics.com\/analytics.js','ga');<\/p>\n<p>  ga('create', 'UA-74309659-1', 'auto');\n  ga('send', 'pageview');<\/p>\n<p><\/script><br \/>\n<img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\" size-full wp-image-287 alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/www.community-choirs.co.uk\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/568370862_no_vocals1_answer_2_xlarge.png\" alt=\"568370862_no_vocals1_answer_2_xlarge\" width=\"350\" height=\"302\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.community-choirs.co.uk\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/568370862_no_vocals1_answer_2_xlarge.png 350w, https:\/\/www.community-choirs.co.uk\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/568370862_no_vocals1_answer_2_xlarge-300x259.png 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 350px) 100vw, 350px\" \/>You&#8217;d be surprised at how many people come to my community choirs (and from what I&#8217;ve heard from other choir leaders &#8211; their community choirs, too) with absolutely no self-confidence in their ability to be able to sing.<\/p>\n<p>Or maybe you wouldn&#8217;t. \u00a0Because maybe your story is very similar to their story. \u00a0I&#8217;ve heard it a few hundred times at least:<\/p>\n<p>An adult makes enquiries about joining one of my choirs. \u00a0I am thrilled and say that we&#8217;d love to have them, and outline details of what we sing, when we meet and so forth. \u00a0They look a bit sad and say something like, &#8220;Don&#8217;t expect much. \u00a0I can&#8217;t sing, you know.&#8221; \u00a0I look concerned (privately I completely doubt what they are saying &#8211; they have a very nice speaking voice, and I&#8217;m sure that there is a lovely singer just waiting to surface), and probe a little deeper as why they think they can&#8217;t sing. \u00a0They generally tell me that when they were a child, a parent or a teacher told them to be quiet. \u00a0Told them that they couldn&#8217;t sing. \u00a0Sometimes they are told to just &#8220;mime whilst the others sing&#8221;. \u00a0Sometimes they are asked to sit down whilst everyone else sings. \u00a0Sometimes a parent or an older sibling tells them to shut up, and says that they can&#8217;t sing, so don&#8217;t try.<\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;ll be honest here, I struggle with this story. \u00a0I don&#8217;t struggle to believe it, but I struggle with the white-hot rage it inspires inside me. \u00a0The people telling me this are usually older adults &#8211; often retirees &#8211; who have spent their entire lives thinking that they can&#8217;t sing. \u00a0They&#8217;ve lost out on the decades of joy and companionship that singing brings. \u00a0And WITHOUT EXCEPTION every single one has turned out to have a lovely voice, and after a few weeks of worry and concern, they have managed to join in with the rest of the choir in raising those lovely voices joyfully.<\/p>\n<p>Now, full disclosure &#8211; as well as teaching choirs, I also teach music to primary aged children (4-11). \u00a0I&#8217;m a patient person, and I enjoy listening to those unfettered voices being raised in song. \u00a0It&#8217;s a wonderful thing. \u00a0I don&#8217;t shout. \u00a0I don&#8217;t victimise and I don&#8217;t get cross except for one thing. \u00a0One single thing is guaranteed to make me incandescently angry. \u00a0Never, ever, ever say to a child, &#8220;You can&#8217;t sing&#8221;. \u00a0Not if you are an adult, and not if you are another child. \u00a0No-one gets to judge anyone else&#8217;s music making in my class! \u00a0I&#8217;ve stopped whole classes to have the discussion about everyone&#8217;s voice having worth, and everyone&#8217;s voice sounding different. \u00a0We may all be born with the same voice apparatus, but we all use it differently. \u00a0Some people take a little longer to sing the note that they can hear in their heads, whilst some can do it immediately (but might really struggle with some other aspect). \u00a0That does not mean that some people can sing and others cannot.<\/p>\n<p>This is a soapbox of mine, I&#8217;ll admit. \u00a0Far too few adults understand the impact that a single negative comment can have on a child or young person. \u00a0Don&#8217;t do it. \u00a0Understand that this one single comment could be the thing that they carry with them for the rest of their lives, replaying it in their head when their child asks for a lullaby (I can&#8217;t sing), or the rest of the football stadium erupts in song (I can&#8217;t sing), or everyone sings &#8216;Happy Birthday&#8217; to a beloved relative (I can&#8217;t sing), or singing a hymn at their own wedding (I can&#8217;t sing), or a party where someone gets out a guitar and starts playing old Beatles&#8217; songs for people to sing along with (I can&#8217;t sing), or even at their parent&#8217;s funeral (I can&#8217;t sing). \u00a0That single comment haunts them.<\/p>\n<p>Do not be the person that stops them singing to their baby, or singing &#8220;Hey Jude&#8221; with their best friend as the sun sinks below the horizon and another bottle of wine is opened. \u00a0Don&#8217;t do it. \u00a0Try this instead:<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;<em><strong>Be quiet<\/strong><\/em>&#8221; = &#8220;I love to hear you sing! \u00a0It sounds best when we&#8217;re all singing at the same time, so try to join in with everyone else &#8211; that would sound great.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;<em><strong>You can&#8217;t sing<\/strong><\/em>&#8221; = &#8220;You&#8217;ve got a great voice! \u00a0I love the fact that it sounds a little different &#8211; there are some fabulous musicians with voices a bit like yours &#8211; let&#8217;s have a talk about finding some of them for you to listen to&#8230;&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;<em><strong>You can&#8217;t sing this song<\/strong><\/em>&#8221; = &#8220;This song isn&#8217;t the best for you. \u00a0How do you feel about it? \u00a0Shall we find something that lets you shine a bit instead?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;<em><strong>Just mime with the others<\/strong><\/em>&#8221; = &#8220;I want to hear everyone. \u00a0If you are comfortable singing, I&#8217;d like to hear it. \u00a0Everyone&#8217;s voice has value, and adds to the overall performance.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>You get the idea, huh? \u00a0Try to remember that every thing you say has an effect and can stay with a child for life. \u00a0What&#8217;s the worst that can happen? \u00a0Someone grows up enjoying music, and slowly getting better as they practice?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>You&#8217;d be surprised at how many people come to my community choirs (and from what I&#8217;ve heard from other choir leaders &#8211; their community choirs, too) with absolutely no self-confidence in their ability to be able to sing. Or maybe you wouldn&#8217;t. \u00a0Because maybe your story is very similar to their story. \u00a0I&#8217;ve heard it [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-255","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-general"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.community-choirs.co.uk\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/255","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.community-choirs.co.uk\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.community-choirs.co.uk\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.community-choirs.co.uk\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.community-choirs.co.uk\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=255"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.community-choirs.co.uk\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/255\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.community-choirs.co.uk\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=255"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.community-choirs.co.uk\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=255"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.community-choirs.co.uk\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=255"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}