{"id":290,"date":"2016-02-25T11:00:25","date_gmt":"2016-02-25T11:00:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/communitychoirs.wordpress.com\/?p=290"},"modified":"2016-02-25T11:00:25","modified_gmt":"2016-02-25T11:00:25","slug":"how-to-build-confidence","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.community-choirs.co.uk\/wordpress\/2016\/02\/how-to-build-confidence\/","title":{"rendered":"Don&#8217;t Let Others Sabotage Your Creativity!"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><script>\n  (function(i,s,o,g,r,a,m){i['GoogleAnalyticsObject']=r;i[r]=i[r]||function(){\n  (i[r].q=i[r].q||[]).push(arguments)},i[r].l=1*new Date();a=s.createElement(o),\n  m=s.getElementsByTagName(o)[0];a.async=1;a.src=g;m.parentNode.insertBefore(a,m)\n  })(window,document,'script','\/\/www.google-analytics.com\/analytics.js','ga');<\/p>\n<p>  ga('create', 'UA-74309659-1', 'auto');\n  ga('send', 'pageview');<\/p>\n<p><\/script><br \/>\n<img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-296 alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/www.community-choirs.co.uk\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/ican-300x201.jpg\" alt=\"i can\" width=\"300\" height=\"201\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.community-choirs.co.uk\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/ican-300x201.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.community-choirs.co.uk\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/ican.jpg 600w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/>Last time we looked at how words can affect small children, crushing their self-esteem and leaving them unable to join in with our singing culture for decades. \u00a0It&#8217;s horrible. \u00a0Don&#8217;t do it.<\/p>\n<p>But there is a flip side, and one that I know all too well. \u00a0The chances are good that you aren&#8217;t the person making the comments, but the person to whom the comments have been made. \u00a0That one little comment haunts you, and has done so for decades. \u00a0You want to sing &#8211; you desperately do &#8211; but you are frightened that you are going to make a fool of yourself and that someone is going to tell you to be quiet, shut up or that you can&#8217;t sing. \u00a0And then you&#8217;ll feel like you are 7 again.<\/p>\n<p>I get it. \u00a0I really do. \u00a0And so does every other community choir leader EVER.<\/p>\n<p>It might help a little to understand that a lot of the people in any choir you decide to try out are dealing with similar issues. \u00a0Family members will laugh and make fun of the fact that you are doing something creative. \u00a0That is the hardest thing to cope with, I find, and the hardest thing to ignore, because the comments are made by people we love. \u00a0However, it is important to understand that these comments are generally also made with no concept of the meaning behind them. \u00a0I have never yet found a singer who has made these comments about another singer. \u00a0The comments usually come from people who don&#8217;t sing. \u00a0They will portray them as &#8220;poking fun&#8221; and be very resistant to understanding how hurtful they are.<\/p>\n<p>So, if you get that comment from someone close to you about the fact that &#8220;you can&#8217;t sing&#8221; or some &#8220;funny&#8221; remark (you sound like a cat in heat, someone will call the police thinking a siren has gone off, etc. etc. ad nauseaum), the first thing you have to do is remember this mantra:<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;They don&#8217;t sing. \u00a0What the heck do they know anyway?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Because really, they don&#8217;t know squat. \u00a0Maybe you don&#8217;t sound like Katherine Jenkins or Pavarotti yet. \u00a0That&#8217;s OK. \u00a0They didn&#8217;t either, when they started. \u00a0And maybe, just maybe, you&#8217;d rather sound like Billie Holliday or Ray Charles, instead. \u00a0Because, hey &#8211; who wouldn&#8217;t?<\/p>\n<p>There&#8217;s also another, slightly nastier undertone here. \u00a0People make those sorts of comments because they want to stop you. \u00a0To sabotage you. \u00a0They don&#8217;t want you to succeed at something that they can&#8217;t do. \u00a0It is hard to acknowledge, but often those comments are not made with love at their heart.<\/p>\n<p>When you receive comments like this, the best thing is meet them head on:<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Actually, I think that&#8217;s kind of hurtful. \u00a0I&#8217;m enjoying my singing, and I&#8217;m doing it for myself. \u00a0What makes you think that it&#8217;s OK to make a comment like that?&#8221; \u00a0I can guarantee that meeting a &#8216;joke-y&#8217; hurtful comment with a response like that will shut it right down. \u00a0Do it twice, and it is very unlikely that person will try again.<\/p>\n<p>You don&#8217;t need external people trying to hold you back &#8211; you deserve to fly!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Last time we looked at how words can affect small children, crushing their self-esteem and leaving them unable to join in with our singing culture for decades. \u00a0It&#8217;s horrible. \u00a0Don&#8217;t do it. But there is a flip side, and one that I know all too well. \u00a0The chances are good that you aren&#8217;t the person [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[10,12],"class_list":["post-290","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-performance-skills","tag-cant-sing","tag-confidence"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.community-choirs.co.uk\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/290","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.community-choirs.co.uk\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.community-choirs.co.uk\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.community-choirs.co.uk\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.community-choirs.co.uk\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=290"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.community-choirs.co.uk\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/290\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.community-choirs.co.uk\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=290"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.community-choirs.co.uk\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=290"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.community-choirs.co.uk\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=290"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}